ALICE AND I are best friends. I’ve known her all my life. That is absolutely true.

Dad wore a very smart suit, with a long black jacket and grey pinstripe trousers. He had a waistcoat too, black silk with gold embroidery. Dad never wore fancy clothes. It was hard work imagining him in anything but jeans or his suit for work, but it was his wedding after all and I wanted him to look wonderful. I.

She wants to see me in my stupid bridesmaid’s dress.’ ‘It’s not stupid, it’s beautiful!

Tell-tale tit, your tongue shall be split, and all the little doggies will have a little bit.

You come to have tea with us tomorrow and we’ll dress Matty up in her posh frock and she can give us a little twirl.

Go on, you two. Go and enjoy your romantic reunion. Have a happy little snog in McDonald’s,’ says Magda. ‘French kiss over the French fries.’ ‘Blush amongst the burgers.’ ‘Cuddle over your Cokes.’ ‘Sauce the ice-cream with your sweet talk.’ ‘Froth the coffee with your feverish embraces.

It’s the wedding day!’ I whispered. He murmured my name in a pleased sort of way but he didn’t wake up properly. I tried a few wriggles and nudges to see if that would help but he started gently snoring. I felt too fidgety and nervous and excited to stay cuddled up for long. I.

Could he be my Bertie, the cheeky butcher’s boy? I had walked out with him when I was a reluctant servant in Mr Buchanan’s household. Dear funny Bertie, who had been so self-conscious about reeking of meat. Bertie, the boy who had taken me to the fair and won me the little black-and-white china dog that was in my suitcase now, carefully wrapped in my nightgown to prevent any chips.

Dad said Aunty Sue was a godsend. If that was so, I wasn’t surprised. God was probably happy to have got rid of her.

It was such a relief to realize someone else had a weird vivid inner life like my own!